Joke of the Day

[Bman505]

Stop Sign Joke

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.

"No," the man replied.

"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.

"But I did slow down!" the guy argued.
The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."
The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"

The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."

[Bman505]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over
them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says, “I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

“But why?” asks the man.

“I'm a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.

[Bman505]

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy
with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies,
'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

[jan303]

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,
I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a
nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student
in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I
said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is
reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled
knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have
to write the exam with your other hand.'

[Bman505]

Nice one Jan303. I guess I deserved that one.

[Descreet38]

Jan303 - that was great!

[Descreet38]

Late one afternoon a man walked into a bar and asked the bartender for two shot of tequila.

The man picked up the first shot and downed it, then picked up the second and poured it into his shirt pocket. Bartender just looked at him and shrugged. A couple of minutes passed and the man ordered another two shots. He then repeated the same process - drank one and poured on into his shirt pocket. This time the bartender looked very hard and then shook his head and walked away.

After a short time the man again ordered the two and proceeded to drink one and pour the other into his shirt pocket.

The bartender had had enough - approached the man and sad. Excuse me sir but I happened to notice you only drink one shot and then pour the other into your shirt pocket. What is up with this?

The man leaned forward and belched loudly, looked the bartender right in the eyes and said - It isn't any of your business and if you don't like it I'll come over this bar and whip you.

About that time a mouse stood up in the shirt pocket, belched very loud and said. "And that goes for your cat too!"

[Bman505]

Every feel this way?